Thursday, August 26, 2010

The day I was hit by that train

This is an anniversary of sorts for me.  I know I have mentioned it before but 2 years ago today my life was truly forever changed.  This may be a raw subject for some and in no way is it meant to cause any hurt to you so if you feel the need please stop reading and wait for the next post to visit (I truly understand)  And I know others don't like to be brought down but this does have a happy ending (obviously)
Now I will give you a little more background into my life.  You know I have a wonderful husband of 20 years, a beautiful 17 year old daughter/friend, a feisty 5 year old son, and a sweet kitty friend.  Life has been good to me since they all came along.  But.... I have had my share (and then some) of loss in my life.  In 2000 I lost my Gram to colon cancer in July and in October of that same year I lost my Mom to lung cancer. In the spring 2004 I lost my sweet Uncle Donny to complications of Malignant Melanoma and in the fall my sweet 17 year old cousin died of a massive seizure.  These losses and the ones that followed were all quite hard to handle but with each one I seemed to feel that I was immune to the effects of Cancer and all that it comes with.  I watched them put that poison into my mom when she was fighting and I knew of every treatment my uncle went through.  Then in 2006 my father in law was diagnosed with kidney cancer.  OK so the blow on that one was hard and his treatments were tough on him but he is clear and that is such a blessing!
So fast forward to 2008 and a check up at my PC and a mention of a spot.  A quick referral to a dermatologist and "could you just take a look at this spot for me".  If you could have seen her face when she saw this spot your heart would have sunk too.  August 26, 2008 5:04pm (after hours)  "Mrs Stevens you know I was concerned when we took the samples and I have to tell you "You have malignant melanoma"  I thought I had been hit by a train before but never this hard or scary.  I thought I knew what hearing that sounded like but it all changes when it's you.  I had to tell my sweet husband and that was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I saw fear in his eyes for the first time and that is hard to see as he is my rock!  Amazing thoughts went through my head but the funniest was not that I was going to die it was how was I supposed to live with this!  Shelby was just 16 and Derek was only 3 I was not going to let this take me because what would that do to them. 
The next morning my PC called and said (no joke)  "We are going to kick the @#$% out of this, there is no way I will let one of my prettiest patients leave me"  (shameless liar that he is)  I was blessed with a great team of Doctors and on September 17, 2008 it was removed.  The removal was a little more that expected and I know have a 12 in badge of honor on my right shoulder but it is all gone and I am still here.
It seemed like an eternity waiting for surgery and then waiting for the results to come back seemed even longer but when that call came (on a Sunday night)  and I heard " Mrs Stevens I am calling to say you are perfect"  OK what?  "You are perfect we got it all and your nodes were clear"  Seriously?  and then turning to my husband and telling him and seeing the tears of happiness WE were free to live again!  During that time I made some life altering decisions that I have tried to stick with.  Here is my list of things that I changed and now feel life is even more to me!
1.  I am a clean freak to a point but if the dishes don't get done due to family time OH WELL!
2.  Escape the negativity of others.  This one is hard sometimes (as you have read my whinny posts before) but if you get it out it is gone.
3.  It is OK to be lazy sometimes they can be rewarding in themselves!
4.  Try new things and you get rewards 10 fold!  Failing isn't the worst thing it can lead to great rewards!  Thanks Blogger Buddies!
5.  Say what you feel and mean it!  I don't mean that you hurt others in any way I mean you have to let the people who matter to you know how you feel, they shouldn't have to guess!
6.  Depression my suck but it is not your fault it is a body rebellion for no apparent reason that tries to bring you down (and it does) but you don't have to stay down if you take your meds!
7.  Life is a gift to be treasured but if you don't share it with others how can you pass it on?
8.  I am not perfect but I am perfectly happy!
If you have stayed to this point, I realize I should be sharing a pairing or talking about my latest flop (coming soon) but I need to say all this today to someone so thank you so very much for listening!

Hugs and Love to all of You
Laugh everyday (even at my expense if necessary) ;)


  1. ((((((((((Kristen)))))))))))

    Thanks for blessing the blogworld, mine in particular, with your presence. You are a treasure.


  2. Dear could anyone not be touched by your words? You are a bright spot in a gloomy world. I am so glad that you are in mine.
    #8 is the best " I am not perfect but I am perfectly happy!" What truth that speaks!

    Enjoy the day!

  3. what a moving and motivating post!

  4. Congrats Kristen. We're glad you're here with us. :)

  5. Having been hit with my own share of multiple losses in the last couple of years, I truly empathize with what you've been through. Thank God, you came through your own brush with the big "C" and thank you for sharing your story!

  6. Kristen - you are amazing - congratulations on your anniversary of health!!

  7. You are an inspiration, Kristen...thanks for sharing your very personal journey with us. I really enjoyed reading your list, and I think we can all take a leaf out of your book, my friend ;-) Wishing you a lifetime of health and happiness! B. -xo-

  8. Thank you for sharing this. I am crying with relief and with gratitude for your gracious, wise spirit.
    I celebrate you, Super Woman that took on a train and came out victorious!

  9. Awwww, Kristen.... I need to totally run up and give you a great, big, HUGE hug right this very minute.... execept I'm in my jammies and NY is a bit far to run from WI.

    I knew our personalities clicked from the first e-mail you sent during Blogmania. I really, really look forward to share more celebrations of life with you and marking the anniversary of being Cancer free for many more years to come!

    Your list of lifestyle changes is AWESOME! I too live by those same principals. Love deeply and cherish the even the small things every moment! If more people adopted our philosophies the world would definitely have more happiness and more love!

    You're a special woman my dear. I feel so blessed to call you a friend!


  10. Thank you for sharing this. It comes at a very important time for me, as I'm going through this and have experienced several of the emotions and feelings you've mentioned. Thank you opening up and giving a little hope.


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